yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
