Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
