Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I need to calm my uterus...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
