if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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