I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
