i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
