best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My dick has a subreddit
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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