Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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