and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
