I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my shit smells like andre
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
