I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
