I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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