SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize
