I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
