I looked at my own cervix.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
