Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
