I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
