He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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