if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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