No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
