It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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