You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
