plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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