why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
