You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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