my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
