i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
