Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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