we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize