Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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