Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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