i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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