Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
