I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
