I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
