I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The best revenge is premature balding
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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