he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
