i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
