walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
