The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
