i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
