It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
