i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
