One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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