Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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