how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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