Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize