She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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