I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
