found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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