Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
