Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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