We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
