God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Pants are for mortals
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
