My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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