No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
