I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
