omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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