Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
