EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
