Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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