Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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