there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
birth control should be required to get into college
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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