i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
