How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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