Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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