I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize