in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
