i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
