So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize