Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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