if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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