Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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