hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
