I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she looked like the before picture.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize